i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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