the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
