she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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