you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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