Christians are straight up FREAKS
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
