yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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