i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
