I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
