I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
