It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have post one night stand depression
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