You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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