I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
