Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.

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(917): View more from New York City

Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.

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(253): View more from Washington

That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...

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(317): View more from Indiana

No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.

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(360): View more from Washington

I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?

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(205): View more from Alabama

So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.

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