Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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