I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
