Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
did i walk over a car last night?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
