Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
