Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
