You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
