And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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