I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
