I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Shame is for Republicans.
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