Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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