I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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