after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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