He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
