im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
