You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
