Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
