How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
