I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
