So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
