What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love you. Go after that dick
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
