we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
