why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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