i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
