so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
