You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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