she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
