You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize