My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
