you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
