and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
