Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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