Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
