If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
