I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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