I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
