my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
