Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
