He managed to light the Jello on fire...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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