Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
my liver is dry heaving
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
