Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
