Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
