Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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