So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
