I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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