remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
