Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
