I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
