I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
