Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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