If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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