I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
