Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
