and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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