I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
