I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
