You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
