why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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