Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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