had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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