I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
